I decided a few years ago that resolutions always make me feel like a failure. And I don’t deal well with that. So I have cut them from my life. I wish ice cream made me feel like a failure.
But I do always take a stock of the year as it passes. And as I have contemplated this past year, I realized something.
Noise is noise. Doesn’t matter how distinct it is.
It’s be a rough year on the Sutton front – a rough three or so, actually. And as I thought through the past year, I wondered if I had been too internally focused. I mused that maybe I was self-centered and whiny. Perhaps I zeroed in on things that were temporal.
I’m sure all those things are true. And a sadder truth — that might not change. Especially since I don’t do resolutions. :)
More poignant to me, however, was this thought….it’s been a really LOUD year. God was silent much of this year. And I was not. I asked and pleaded and begged and questioned and reasoned and prayed and thought. Jesus didn’t say much. But friends and family counseled and encouraged and sympathized and helped and gave and prayed. The Holy Spirit was a whisper and everything else was a blood-curdling scream.
It’s not that any of those things were bad or wrong or louder than He can be. It was all just…white noise. Static – when I wanted to tune in to the station. And it’s amazing how loud white noise really is.
More than anything, I want to tune in this coming year. Push beyond the white noise of this life – of ministry, of family, of circumstance – and re-know that joy of finally finding some FM digits that actually broadcast clearly and surprisingly after you’ve been driving through the desert with nothing but static.
Happy New Year – I hope you hit the right station on your dial.