Fat Tuesday: What If This IS Your Ideal Weight?

It was an unexpected question.

I was writing an article about weight struggles.  It was a raw, honest piece.  I sat down with the editor for a conversation – and we talked some about the article, its transparency, and my life.  And then he stunned me to silence….not an easy task.

“Darren, what if this IS your ideal weight?”

I knew I had turned a corner because my first thought was NOT “Finally – an excuse to be this unhealthy!!”  In fact, that thought never even crossed my mind.  I think I choked out some version of , “Well….it’s not.  It’s just….not.”

And of course it’s not – while I do enjoy pretty good health for as over-weight as I am, it’s not healthy for anyone to pack around this much additional weight – especially long-term.

What reduced me to ‘blathering’ status was the intended core of the question.  “Are you satisfied with who you are?”  And I couldn’t answer it…because I have allowed my weight to define me.  The question almost seemed to beg “If the weight was no longer the issue, would you be whole?”

I wouldn’t have been then.  But I am now. And it’s been a long journey (and not filled with as many lost pounds as I had hoped).  But being whole really has to be the first step to being healthy.  For most (and for me), losing weight and gaining physical health really just addresses a symptom…and to be whole takes a courageous (and continual) confrontation of deeper disease.

If I were asked the question today?  Nearly 18 months later…and only 25-ish pounds?  No stammering.  No blathering.  No hesitation.  If my weight never changes, I am content in who I am.  (But I’m still intent on losing these remnants of days when I wasn’t so happy with who I am!)   :)