It was an unexpected question.
I was writing an article about weight struggles. It was a raw, honest piece. I sat down with the editor for a conversation – and we talked some about the article, its transparency, and my life. And then he stunned me to silence….not an easy task.
“Darren, what if this IS your ideal weight?”
I knew I had turned a corner because my first thought was NOT “Finally – an excuse to be this unhealthy!!” In fact, that thought never even crossed my mind. I think I choked out some version of , “Well….it’s not. It’s just….not.”
And of course it’s not – while I do enjoy pretty good health for as over-weight as I am, it’s not healthy for anyone to pack around this much additional weight – especially long-term.
What reduced me to ‘blathering’ status was the intended core of the question. “Are you satisfied with who you are?” And I couldn’t answer it…because I have allowed my weight to define me. The question almost seemed to beg “If the weight was no longer the issue, would you be whole?”
I wouldn’t have been then. But I am now. And it’s been a long journey (and not filled with as many lost pounds as I had hoped). But being whole really has to be the first step to being healthy. For most (and for me), losing weight and gaining physical health really just addresses a symptom…and to be whole takes a courageous (and continual) confrontation of deeper disease.
If I were asked the question today? Nearly 18 months later…and only 25-ish pounds? No stammering. No blathering. No hesitation. If my weight never changes, I am content in who I am. (But I’m still intent on losing these remnants of days when I wasn’t so happy with who I am!) :)