My heart has been shredded this year. I’ve been deeply wounded by people I care about and ministered to and with. Someone else got the job that I’ve been dreaming about and designing over the past year. I’ve lost over 50% of my income and all my financial security. I’ve run head-long into a position I never wanted nor know how to do.
I wish I could tell you that I have managed that with grace and humility. Truth is – I have. Publicly. Privately – I’m undone. I’m broken. I’m hurting. I’m uncertain. I’m questioning. I’m shredded.
And while I cannot tell you that these past months have been roses and double rainbows….I can say this with confidence. God holds my WHOLE life in His hands. Not just the pretty parts that I love and embrace – but also the ugly, hurting, selfish, scary, bitter, sinful parts. He knows my future – my purpose – my ‘end-of-the-story.’
I’m so glad. Because in the last three days, any balm has been slow to cool the burn of bitter disappointment, worry, and betrayal. But I trust His promises, nonetheless. “I know the plans I have for you….” “Peace I give to you….” “He who began a good work in you…..”
Amen, Lord. Let it be.
One thought on “What Do You Hold On To When You’re Shredded?”
what a coincidence… I posted today on the same thing, I called mine contingency plans http://wp.me/p1CIX6-8v. Its hard when you can’t see the next one coming, like tears in your eyes getting backed into a corner by a bully, you put them up, hoping to get daylight, not knowing if or when the next haymaker is coming.